I have witnessed joy in moments of sadness. I have seen the broken become whole. I have seen people healed. I have seen the strong, the angry, the hateful all fall on there knees upon meeting Christ for the first time.
I have heard stories of 5 year olds standing up for god only to be shot through the head by an AK a few seconds later. I have witnessed the poor giving and the rich taking. I have witnessed the weak win against the strong. I have seen the unforgivable forgiven.
When I look back at my whole life, it’s hard not to realize how incredible the things I have seen are. The things I have survived.
And now I’m adding a new part to my journey. Christmas this year is rough. I’m in Africa which is incredible surrounded by incredible people, but I would be a complete liar to say it felt like Christmas to me. Because it honestly doesn’t. we just put up our tree, my families not here to embarrass me. I don’t get to hear my brothers making the same stupid jokes, or play the silly games. I don’t get to go to my friend’s silly parties that usually leave me questioning our sanity. So well life is incredible here I do miss home at this time of year.
The other day I felt a bit down and one of the Youth Leaders, James, said hi to me via facebook. He pointed out how crazy it was we could talk well being so far away. And its true how crazy is it?! anyway we talked and I told him about what has been happening and life here and he told me about stuff in vic. And it was encouraging to know that what I’m doing is building peoples faith in Canada; even when I can’t see it.
Sometimes being here is bitter sweet. I’m becoming so comfortable with preaching but I don’t want to be a preacher. I’m realizing there is a part of me that’s scared to step out at times. In music and in speaking. I know I’m good at both of these I’m not being prideful in this I have been complemented all around the world (literally in Canada, the US, Europe, Africa) at what I have said and my singing. But the truth is I’m scared to step out because I guess sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough to. I feel like I have made so many mistakes people would be foolish to listen to me. I feel like well I might have something valid to say its buried under a lot of crap.
Today was rough again; I spent most of the day just resting after being at another all night prayer meeting. I went to school with Peter but then decided to go for a walk and ended up walking for a couple of hrs. I got lost in the back country of Uganda, I don’t know who else that’s white who will EVER see the places I saw it was great. And well I’m a bit better I still feel confused at times as to why I’m here what I’m doing were is the purpose for my life here. I know bits and pieces, I know gods teaching me about trusting him and being secure in who I’m, I know that he’s teaching me to love in a whole new way. But other then that I don’t know what the plan is.
And at the same time god does amazing things. Last night I snuck out of the prayer meeting and sat in the field by our church just listening to some Christian music and worshipping god in my own way and was brought to tears in god’s presence. And on the road today I had some woman give me a mango for nothing. And a man talk to me in perfect English. I don’t know, I don’t understand god sometimes.
i can tell you i have seen some incredible things in this world. from looking out at rolling wills to admiring the strength of these people. to witnessing god in a child taking care of its baby siblings to watching someone give what little they have.
it felt so great just walking today, just me and my thoughts walking through rolling hills of banannas, mangos, mace etc. i saw wildlife i didn't know you would see this close to Mityana and just enjoyed being lost for a few hrs.
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